How Movies/TV Might be Negatively Affecting the Ways People Handle Romantic Relationships

Have you ever noticed that as entertaining as many TV shows and movies are, a lot of the ones that are entertaining contain types of romantic relationships that do not work in reality? Romantic comedies are especially this way, in my experience. The problem is not necessarily the fact that such films and television shows exist. Rather, the problem is that too many people in society are seemingly unaware of how fictional these things actually are. In this article, I will give specific examples and suggest some ways in which we may be able to solve this problem. For the record, I do not not support government-enforced censorship in this situation. To me, as long as the people being filmed are consenting adults and the things being filmed are given the proper ratings that let people know of the content of the film or TV show, these are protected forms of free expression by the First Amendment. However, that in no way means that such things should be free from criticism and discussion of how we can bring awareness of the issues some of them may be contributing to.

My first example is a mild one, but I still think it is somewhat important to talk about in terms of showing that one might think that a romance-related thing they saw in a movie is socially acceptable in reality. It is also an anecdotal example since I am basing my concern here on my own personal experience. Nonetheless, personal experiences are sometimes signs that others could have a similar experience. At any rate, my first example that is one many of is the movie Hitch. For those who have not seen and/or heard of it, it is a romantic comedy from the year 2005 starring Will Smith and Kevin James. Hitch is an overall entertaining movie and one that I suggest seeing if you have not yet scene it, but there is one scene in particular that is funny though unrealistic. That is the scene where James's character is practicing with Smith's character how he is going to kiss the woman he has feelings for, and Smith's character has him do so by kissing him the way he would kiss her. The scene is amusing in the sense that neither of these guys are attracted to men and the kiss is only for practice. When I first saw this scene, I was 13-years-old, and I thought it was hilarious and still do to this day. The problem though was that at the time, there were some girls from school who I was into in real life, and I asked a good male friend of mine if he would practice with me in the way they did in the film. He sharply said no and I respected that, but at the time, I thought he was a bit odd for saying no to that. A couple or so years later though, upon talking to my mom as well as other people I trusted, I realized I had gotten that idea from a humorous scene that was in an entertaining romantic comedy and that the very thing that makes that scene from the film funny is that virtually nobody in real life would do a kiss that was just for practice and neither of the guys are into guys. So in the end, I think it is a good scene as far as humor goes, though some viewers may let the humor of it get the better of them and see it thinking it is socially acceptable in reality. Here is a link to the the scene, for reference. I should warn though that it does have a mild swear word, in case that offends any readers of this article.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpJQlBJCzA

My second example is more obvious. Does anyone remember the movie Love Actually? It is a romantic comedy from 2003. It has some scenes that are relatively humorous but there is some content in it that could mislead some viewers into thinking that certain acts that are creepy in real life are in fact normal rather than creepy. As an example, one of the characters is a young British man who has been pursuing women in his home country with no success. In one scene, he even calls a woman who has shown no interest in him his "future wife" when greeting her. While he does not end up kissing or even really touching anybody against their will, he certainly invades the space of women who are clearly uninterested in multiple scenes. He eventually concludes that English women are just too "stuck-up" and moves to America, thinking that American women will be attracted to his British accent. His move to America proves to be a success and several young women all at once notice his British accent while both they and him are at a bar, after which they all invite him over to their home for the night. As one can likely guess, he accepts that invitation and goes and spend the night there. The movie does not exactly show him succeeding with women who had shown no interest in him and/or said no, but the fact that he succeeds with the American girls after having pursued English women and then claiming English women are "stuck-up" could give viewers with little-to-no experience in relationships the idea that women who turn down men are inherently "stuck-up" for doing so. The truth is that his behavior towards the women in England is creepy and is not behavior that most women or people in general would be okay with. Below is a video that shows another scene in which this character pursues a woman in a way would be creepy in reality. Again, this video has some suggestive language, in case you find that offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxOV0MYBpeI

The third and last example that I want to mention is the historical drama TV series Poldark, which is based on the book series of the same name. This example might be the most obvious of the three. In an episode from 2016, the main character, Ross Poldark, barges into his former lover's home in a jealous rage and forcibly kisses her, even while she is saying no. He eventually pins her down onto the bed, at which point she is no longer resisting his advances. This is an example of how movies and TV can send the false message that no can mean yes. The notion that no can mean yes is an idea that too many people that I have encountered believe to be true, and I strongly suspect that this contributes to that notion. The scene is rather disturbing and I do not want share anything that is too visually disturbing on here, so I am not sharing a video for this example.

To sum up, these are just a few of many examples that come to my mind of movies/TV shows that could be contributing to our perception of appropriate boundaries in relationships. There is no question that there will always be creepy people out there, and free expression itself is not to blame. The perpetrators of creepy behavior are 100% responsible. I just think that bringing more awareness to this issue may help reduce things like that. One way that I think might be effective in combatting this issue is having classes at public schools that teach students about proper boundaries in romantic relationships and possibly even relationships in general. Readers of this article can feel free to let me no if they agree with that and/or suggest other possible solutions.